This is Daniela -
First I want to say that I am so excited about my trip to DC in July with the Youth Summit. My mom says she already wrote about it while I was volunteering. I was very happy I got invited. It is an honor. I get to stay in a hotel and stay in a room with other girls with disabilities who are trying to be independent. My parents are very proud of me!
Now I am going to tell you about my first interview. The first day we got to Clemson University in South Carolina, we went on a tour of the college with a really nice college student who was my age. I really loved the football stadium and the bookstore. Then we went to a Clemson store. I bought a jacket and sweatpants that I love.
The next day, we went to meet lots of other families who were going to have interviews too. I was a little nervous. I didn't know anybody there and I had to go off without my mom first thing to watch a class with the students in the program. We watched a movie with a video of the new We Are the World song. It was fun. My mom stayed with the other parents and learned more about the LIFE program. Then we all went to have lunch in a HUGE cafeteria. I didn't eat much because I was nervous. Everyone was really nice though. Then my mom and I went to another class and we watched the students pretend to interview each other. They did a really good job. The students there seemed really smart. They get to live in apartments and do all kinds of activities and classes. It looked really fun.
After that, I went for my interview with Dr. Sanders, without my mom. She is the head of Clemson LIFE. I was a little scared but she was really nice. She asked me what kind of classes I might want to take. I told her sign language, guitar lessons, and chess. Then my mom came in and we left to go to the bookstore so I could buy "The Last Song" and we went to get some ice cream that they make from cows that live at the college. I had a Tiger shake. The Tigers are their mascot.
It was a great day! I would love to be able to go there.
Next time, I will tell you about my interview at the Horizons School in Alabama!
love,
Daniela
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
A Wonderful Surprise!
Hi, it's Tina,
We just got back from our trip to S. Carolina and we had a wonderful time at Coastal Carolina University and Myrtle Beach. Daniela will be writing later (She wanted to go straight to her volunteer job at the animal shelter as soon as we got home). Before we go into detail about her interviews at all three programs, I wanted to let you know we had a wonderful surprise in the mail when we got home this morning.
First, I'll give you some background info - Last winter Daniela wrote an essay to apply to be part of the Youth Summit at this year's Virginia Transition Forum. I wrote in my last post about how inspired she was at the Forum. The students who were part of last year's Youth Summit made a presentation at the conference luncheon. Daniela couldn't believe how much they were accomplishing in their lives. Their logo is "I'm Determined" (https://php.radford.edu/~imdetermined/). These remarkable young people were the main impetus for Daniela really wanting to do something more with her life than working in a sheltered workshop.
Well, Daniela wasn't chosen to be part of this year's Youth Summit (which was held in March). Evidently, there were a large number of applicants. She was very disappointed, but by that point was very involved in applying to the college programs. I told her not to be upset, that we had lots of things to look forward to. Daniela is extremely resilient and moved on quickly.
Today, when we got home, Daniela got an invitation in the mail from the I'm Determined Project Director. He said "We were impressed with your essay application to the Youth summit this past year and want to offer you an opportunity to increase your self-determination skills and improve your leadership abilities."
In late July, Daniela will be headed to Washington DC for 3 days for a Youth Summer Summit along with other Virginia youth leaders who are working hard to overcome their own disabilities. She will get to network with the other youth, meet with legislators and tour the Newseum (www.newseum.org). From the letter -"They will meet to identify ways to become better advocates and lead more self-determined lives."
This is an all expenses paid trip! They even give parents a stipend to provide transportation, etc. As you can imagine, Daniela is over the moon with joy! I will let her give you her own take on this, but wanted to give you a little more detail in advance.
Her Dad and I are so thrilled for her. This year has been really stressful and intimidating for her. She has had to face down so many of her phobias and other fears to be where she is today. What a wonderful validation for all of her hard work for her to receive this honor!
A very happy mom,
Tina
We just got back from our trip to S. Carolina and we had a wonderful time at Coastal Carolina University and Myrtle Beach. Daniela will be writing later (She wanted to go straight to her volunteer job at the animal shelter as soon as we got home). Before we go into detail about her interviews at all three programs, I wanted to let you know we had a wonderful surprise in the mail when we got home this morning.
First, I'll give you some background info - Last winter Daniela wrote an essay to apply to be part of the Youth Summit at this year's Virginia Transition Forum. I wrote in my last post about how inspired she was at the Forum. The students who were part of last year's Youth Summit made a presentation at the conference luncheon. Daniela couldn't believe how much they were accomplishing in their lives. Their logo is "I'm Determined" (https://php.radford.edu/~imdetermined/). These remarkable young people were the main impetus for Daniela really wanting to do something more with her life than working in a sheltered workshop.
Well, Daniela wasn't chosen to be part of this year's Youth Summit (which was held in March). Evidently, there were a large number of applicants. She was very disappointed, but by that point was very involved in applying to the college programs. I told her not to be upset, that we had lots of things to look forward to. Daniela is extremely resilient and moved on quickly.
Today, when we got home, Daniela got an invitation in the mail from the I'm Determined Project Director. He said "We were impressed with your essay application to the Youth summit this past year and want to offer you an opportunity to increase your self-determination skills and improve your leadership abilities."
In late July, Daniela will be headed to Washington DC for 3 days for a Youth Summer Summit along with other Virginia youth leaders who are working hard to overcome their own disabilities. She will get to network with the other youth, meet with legislators and tour the Newseum (www.newseum.org). From the letter -"They will meet to identify ways to become better advocates and lead more self-determined lives."
This is an all expenses paid trip! They even give parents a stipend to provide transportation, etc. As you can imagine, Daniela is over the moon with joy! I will let her give you her own take on this, but wanted to give you a little more detail in advance.
Her Dad and I are so thrilled for her. This year has been really stressful and intimidating for her. She has had to face down so many of her phobias and other fears to be where she is today. What a wonderful validation for all of her hard work for her to receive this honor!
A very happy mom,
Tina
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Think College!
From Tina:
Tomorrow Daniela and I leave to go to Myrtle Beach S. Carolina. Is this a beach vacation? Nope. (Luckily for us - since it's supposed to be 65 degrees and storming). We are headed down for an interview at Coastal Carolina University's LIFE program. This will be Daniela's third interview this spring. She's excited and confident (and packing enough clothes for a week visit instead of 2 nights).
We will be writing in depth next week about her interviews and her experiences visiting the different programs. But tonight I thought I would tell people about how we got to this unexpected development in her life.
Never, since the early years after Daniela's adoption, when we knew she was facing some considerable challenges in her life, did we think she would be capable of being able to handle living away from home in a university setting. In fact, we didn't save money for a college fund for her as we did her big sister. That sounds unfair, and it is, but we knew we would be spending money for other things as she was growing up - special therapies, Dr.s, and the other expenses that rush at you when you raise a child with considerable special needs. Now, we are quite willing to dig deep to pay for this new experience, an experience which we hope will have a substantial payoff for her future.
A little over a year ago, we were facing the end of Daniela's high school career and graduation with a "special" diploma. Frankly, the prospects looked a little bleak for her immediate future. She could remain in school until her 22nd birthday, but we couldn't see any real purpose in that. We live in the small county of Gloucester in Virginia. Daniela had a terrific experience in the county schools. They brought her farther than we dreamed, but their post high school program does not now offer anything different than she was getting before graduation. There just didn't seem to be much out there for her. We wondered if she would ever be able to hold down a job, to live on her own. Scary......
In hopes of hearing of some new options, last March Daniela and I attended Virginia's Transition Forum, a three day conference offering many choices in workshops and resources on the subject of special education students transitioning into adult life. The Forum really opened our eyes and sparked Daniela's interest in becoming more independent AND in going off to college. We ate lunch with a lovely young woman who had attended a model program at a community college in Richmond and we heard that many programs were opening up at colleges across the country for students with intellectual disabilities. How exciting! We didn't find out about any specific programs, but just the idea had Daniela talking about it the whole drive home.
When we got home, the first thing we did was google - "college intellectual disability". What popped up was a web-site that that propelled our lives down an entirely new path. The web-site was thinkcollege.net
On the web-site's database, we found many of those new post-secondary programs at colleges and other schools. We looked at many of the program web-sites and over the days and weeks to come, went back to the Think College site time and time again. We realized we had missed the deadline to apply last year, but also realized, after looking at Think College and the program websites, that Daniela actually needed to have some other challenges in her life first to see if she could even handle going away to college. We, including Daniela, had some doubts. We knew she needed some experiences working, going to some vocational training, volunteering, and just being away from home. If she could handle all of these things, we knew she would have a greater chance of being accepted and succeeding at a post-secondary program.
The search was on. Fairly quickly, I found a wonderful month long (free!!) culinary arts program for individuals with disabilities at the Positive Vibe Cafe (see web-link). Daniela handled the interview well and was accepted to the program. We signed her up for a 2 week young adult camp in the mountains with Easter Seals. I found a local week-long youth volunteer camp with local churches called Helping Hands (which I volunteered with as well).
We had a multi-agency meeting at school, where we decided (with Daniela taking the lead and making the decisions) that she would go to school part-time this past year to work on her math and English skills, and also work with a job coach. ( The support I got from the school, and also Daniela's vocational rehabilitation and community services case workers was overwhelming. They were willing do to whatever they needed to do to make Daniela's dream come true.) On the other weekdays, Daniela would work (at a sheltered workshop) and volunteer. She has written about her volunteer jobs - in January, the animal shelter replaced the workshop which she felt, rightly, that she had outgrown.
In every situation we have placed her in, Daniela has more than met the challenge. She has truly blossomed! Her maturity and sense of responsibility have grown exponentially. We no longer have any doubts that Daniela could succeed away from home at a post-secondary program. Now we just have to find the one that best suits her needs. Again, Think College has helped us so much in narrowing down the options. The professionals in charge of the site (and authors of the book) have been entirely approachable and open to questions, despite lecturing all over the U.S on the benefits of college for students with disabilities.
To finish this long, long post, I'll end by letting you know that yesterday, Think College asked Daniela if it would be alright to feature this blog in their web-site's student section (look under student blogs). What an honor! She was just thrilled! We both hope so much that this blog will help other families, students, schools, and professionals see that there is so much hope now for our kids with intellectual disabilities. Give them a chance to stretch past their limitations. They may very well knock your socks off!
All the best,
Tina
Tomorrow Daniela and I leave to go to Myrtle Beach S. Carolina. Is this a beach vacation? Nope. (Luckily for us - since it's supposed to be 65 degrees and storming). We are headed down for an interview at Coastal Carolina University's LIFE program. This will be Daniela's third interview this spring. She's excited and confident (and packing enough clothes for a week visit instead of 2 nights).
We will be writing in depth next week about her interviews and her experiences visiting the different programs. But tonight I thought I would tell people about how we got to this unexpected development in her life.
Never, since the early years after Daniela's adoption, when we knew she was facing some considerable challenges in her life, did we think she would be capable of being able to handle living away from home in a university setting. In fact, we didn't save money for a college fund for her as we did her big sister. That sounds unfair, and it is, but we knew we would be spending money for other things as she was growing up - special therapies, Dr.s, and the other expenses that rush at you when you raise a child with considerable special needs. Now, we are quite willing to dig deep to pay for this new experience, an experience which we hope will have a substantial payoff for her future.
A little over a year ago, we were facing the end of Daniela's high school career and graduation with a "special" diploma. Frankly, the prospects looked a little bleak for her immediate future. She could remain in school until her 22nd birthday, but we couldn't see any real purpose in that. We live in the small county of Gloucester in Virginia. Daniela had a terrific experience in the county schools. They brought her farther than we dreamed, but their post high school program does not now offer anything different than she was getting before graduation. There just didn't seem to be much out there for her. We wondered if she would ever be able to hold down a job, to live on her own. Scary......
In hopes of hearing of some new options, last March Daniela and I attended Virginia's Transition Forum, a three day conference offering many choices in workshops and resources on the subject of special education students transitioning into adult life. The Forum really opened our eyes and sparked Daniela's interest in becoming more independent AND in going off to college. We ate lunch with a lovely young woman who had attended a model program at a community college in Richmond and we heard that many programs were opening up at colleges across the country for students with intellectual disabilities. How exciting! We didn't find out about any specific programs, but just the idea had Daniela talking about it the whole drive home.
When we got home, the first thing we did was google - "college intellectual disability". What popped up was a web-site that that propelled our lives down an entirely new path. The web-site was thinkcollege.net
On the web-site's database, we found many of those new post-secondary programs at colleges and other schools. We looked at many of the program web-sites and over the days and weeks to come, went back to the Think College site time and time again. We realized we had missed the deadline to apply last year, but also realized, after looking at Think College and the program websites, that Daniela actually needed to have some other challenges in her life first to see if she could even handle going away to college. We, including Daniela, had some doubts. We knew she needed some experiences working, going to some vocational training, volunteering, and just being away from home. If she could handle all of these things, we knew she would have a greater chance of being accepted and succeeding at a post-secondary program.
The search was on. Fairly quickly, I found a wonderful month long (free!!) culinary arts program for individuals with disabilities at the Positive Vibe Cafe (see web-link). Daniela handled the interview well and was accepted to the program. We signed her up for a 2 week young adult camp in the mountains with Easter Seals. I found a local week-long youth volunteer camp with local churches called Helping Hands (which I volunteered with as well).
We had a multi-agency meeting at school, where we decided (with Daniela taking the lead and making the decisions) that she would go to school part-time this past year to work on her math and English skills, and also work with a job coach. ( The support I got from the school, and also Daniela's vocational rehabilitation and community services case workers was overwhelming. They were willing do to whatever they needed to do to make Daniela's dream come true.) On the other weekdays, Daniela would work (at a sheltered workshop) and volunteer. She has written about her volunteer jobs - in January, the animal shelter replaced the workshop which she felt, rightly, that she had outgrown.
In every situation we have placed her in, Daniela has more than met the challenge. She has truly blossomed! Her maturity and sense of responsibility have grown exponentially. We no longer have any doubts that Daniela could succeed away from home at a post-secondary program. Now we just have to find the one that best suits her needs. Again, Think College has helped us so much in narrowing down the options. The professionals in charge of the site (and authors of the book) have been entirely approachable and open to questions, despite lecturing all over the U.S on the benefits of college for students with disabilities.
To finish this long, long post, I'll end by letting you know that yesterday, Think College asked Daniela if it would be alright to feature this blog in their web-site's student section (look under student blogs). What an honor! She was just thrilled! We both hope so much that this blog will help other families, students, schools, and professionals see that there is so much hope now for our kids with intellectual disabilities. Give them a chance to stretch past their limitations. They may very well knock your socks off!
All the best,
Tina
Monday, April 19, 2010
My Brother Daniel
He and I were very excited to speak to each other on SKYPE. His foster mom helped translate since he doesn't speak English and I don't speak Romanian. I felt very shy, so my mom helped me ask and answer questions. Here are the things that we have in common. We both love taking pictures. We both like working with children. We both have the same smile and same color eyes. He is supposed to wear glasses but doesn't like them. We both have curly hair.
Here is what's different. My skin and hair are darker than his. He's not a picky eater and I am. He is 5 foot 8 inches and I am 5 foot 2 inches.
We were both so glad to finally talk to each other. He said he would sleep well last night having spoken to me. We are really looking forward to the day when we can both see each in person!
Love, Daniela ( the bottom picture was take on the day he found out about me 4 years ago - he was so excited and surprised.)
From Tina -
Four years ago I asked a Romanian friend of ours to try to find out if Daniela had any siblings in Romania. We were so surprised to find out that she had a brother 1 year older than her. We had never been told about him, even when we traveled back to visit her orphanage in 2001.
Fortunately for him, he was moved into a wonderful foster home at the age of 12 (in 1999) along with a number of other children from his orphanage. He had never been to school before he moved and had lived a very difficult life. ( He told me he doesn't like to think about it.) The foster home was started by a British non-profit organization (founded by two incredible women). Daniel and the others found love and went to school for the first time with the Nedelcu family. They have a home there together for as long as they live if that is what they want. We talked yesterday about how fortunate he and Daniela both were to have found wonderful lives, especially considering the fate of many other orphanage children in Romania. He said they both were blessed and had a purpose in this life.
Daniel is an amazing young man - handsome, smart, and kind. He is a devout Christian who has many friends and loves working with younger children.He loves working at building homes.
We had actually planned a trip to meet Daniel in Romania 3 years ago. Two days before we were due to travel, my beloved 17 month old grandson was tragically diagnosed with brain tumors. Christian died 2 and a half months later and we will mourn and remember this sweet, brilliant, treasured little boy for the rest of our lives.
For so long we couldn't even begin to think about planning another trip to Romania. Now, unfortunately, the trip will have to wait for Daniela to finish her new educational venture. We have to use all our extra funds to pay for her education ( which will be quite costly). We WILL go to meet Daniel as soon as we can and also hope he gets the opportunity to visit us here.
Until then, Daniela and Daniel will continue to get to know each other via computer. I encouraged them to start sending photos to each other (which have the advantage of needing no translator!)
Daniela failed to mention one other thing that they have in common - they are both wonderful, amazing young people who have both had to handle more adversity and challenges in their lives than most people have to deal with in a lifetime. They should be so proud of themselves. They both deserve to see all their dreams for their futures fulfilled!
All the best, Tina
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Volunteering At Bethel Elementary
Today I'm going to write about my volunteer job at Bethel Elementary School. Two or three days a week, my mom takes me to work with a wonderful teacher named Flora Brunjes. She teaches students who have some learning challenges.
I love working with her and helping the students. The kids are friendly and smart. If they need help, they know they can come to me.
For my birthday they gave me a surprise party. I was REALLY surprised!!!
I want to thank Ms. Flora for leting me work with her.
In the bottom picture, I am in the classroom next to Ms. Flora's back when I was in the 5th grade. I was with my special education teacher Mrs. Burrell. She was my teacher from first to fifth grade. She helped me learn so many things. She taught me how to read and write. and so many other things. She made a big difference in my life! Now I go in and help her in her classroom sometimes as well. That is so much fun!
This is her last year of teaching. She is going to retire and I will miss her so much. So will everyone else at Bethel.
Working with children is another career I might like to have in the future.
Love, Daniela
I love working with her and helping the students. The kids are friendly and smart. If they need help, they know they can come to me.
For my birthday they gave me a surprise party. I was REALLY surprised!!!
In the bottom picture, I am in the classroom next to Ms. Flora's back when I was in the 5th grade. I was with my special education teacher Mrs. Burrell. She was my teacher from first to fifth grade. She helped me learn so many things. She taught me how to read and write. and so many other things. She made a big difference in my life! Now I go in and help her in her classroom sometimes as well. That is so much fun!This is her last year of teaching. She is going to retire and I will miss her so much. So will everyone else at Bethel.
Working with children is another career I might like to have in the future.
Love, Daniela
Friday, April 16, 2010
The Humane Society
The bottom cat is named Peaches. She has not found a new family yet.
Today when I volunteered I cleaned out litter boxes and I took out the trash.
I socialize the cats so they can be ready for homes. Some of them can be very shy. Some of them are very friendly.
I love working at the animal shelter.
The people that I work with are very nice and they treat me very well. I look forward to going there every week.
I would love to work with animals for a career!!!
love, Daniela
An article I wrote 10 years ago
From Tina -
Ten years ago I had a book published about Daniela's first seven years with us. Following it's publication, I had the opportunity to write for some magazines that focused on adoption and special education. The book gave our family many interesting opportunities and experiences and led us to some wonderful friendships. It also also gave me the opportunity to speak publicly and advocate for international adoption and the effects of institutionalization on children. I haven't done much writing and speaking in recent years, but I thought readers of the blog might like to see who Daniela was ten years ago and just how far she has come (especially with all the recent negative focus in the press about international adoption and the adoption of children who have emotional disabilities). This article was publshed in Adoption Today magazine and was written the night before Daniela's tenth birthday. Enjoy......... Tina Goldstone
*One note - please notice the use of the phrase "Mentally retarded" This was the standard legal phrase in Virginia in 1999. Thankfully, the terminology is different now.
The following essay was inspired by my daughter Daniela’s most recent and most thorough evaluation. Daniela was adopted in 1991 from an orphanage in Focsani, Romania. She has a number of learning disabilities and behavior issues. One of the questions the psychologist asked my husband and me, at the completion of the testing, is a familiar one. I have been asked this question on numerous occasions, especially in the past year, since the publication of my book (Come to the Window) about our life with Daniela.
I wrote this essay and sent it to the other members of the post-adoption mailing list run by the web-site EEAC (Eastern European Adoption Coalition at eeadopt@org). I have enjoyed immensely the support and stories of the other families who subscribe to this list and to the Romanian adoption list. I have made several on-line friends whose children seem to struggle with the identical issues as Daniela. We all have great days and horrible days and it is wonderful to be able to share them with families who understand what you are going through in a way that no one else can. Being informed and having the support of other devoted parents can make life’s journey so much smoother. I hope you enjoy my tribute to Daniela born December 18, 1989 and now one of my two much-loved daughters.
"Would We Do It Again?"
Since we adopted our daughter Daniela almost nine years ago, from an orphanage
in Romania, we have been asked this question many times - "If we had known
all the challenges Daniela was going to have, would we still have made the
decision to adopt her?" My answer has always been automatic. I say,
"Absolutely, in a heartbeat". But, in truth, I don't think I ever stopped
to really consider the question. Perhaps I was afraid to. Tonight, on the eve
of Daniela's tenth birthday, I decided to answer the question truthfully.
Daniela has sometimes made life incredibly difficult for her dad, her big
sister Marcy, and myself. Sometimes, when things get really hard I worry
about what her life and our future is going to entail.
Here are some of the heartbreaking issues that Daniela's life is full of.
She has volumes of reports from countless different evaluations that were
done over the years to help her get the extra services that she needs - the
most painful one was the one recommending her to be placed in a class for
"educable mentally retarded"* children
She has scars all over her arms from picking at her skin in times of
stress.
She has, in her wake, left our house and it's belongings much in need of
repairs.
She is on three different medications, one of them scary. (note 2010: she was only on the scary med for 1 month)
We have received more than anyone's share of calls and notes from schools
and daycare detailing Daniela's many offenses. They started when she was
three years old. No one wants other children to be afraid of their child. Sometimes,
Daniela has, impulsively, hurt and frightened other children, though never in anger.
We, including Daniela, have heard countless cruel remarks about her,
from other children and from adults who should know better - either directly, or
when they think we don't hear.
Her immaturity is starting to mark her more now as she gets older. She is
more obviously different than other children her age. It breaks my heart
sometimes to see the disparity.
It's so hard to try and teach her some small thing day after day, month
after month, and even year after year and still know that she has no
understanding of what you are talking about.
So, if we knew all these things, would we still have adopted her? Well, if we knew
these things then I also assume we would know the positive things
about Daniela, such as -
Every new experience is a wonder and a delight to her. She revels in life
as no one I have ever seen.
She is so genuinely appreciative of any kind word, gift, or gesture. She
can make the giver feel like they have done something for her that no one
else could have.
She is always full of words of encouragement to anyone who has succeeded
at something or who just looks like they could use a kind word or a hug.
She is the epitome of unconditional love.
Each hard-earned lesson learned is such a triumph to her and to those of us
who are her teachers. Her recent triumphs in reading and spelling are worth
the world to all of us.
She is beautiful, and funny, and as fast as the wind.
Her most recent and very thorough evaluation by an experienced
psychologist yielded new information about who Daniela is and why she
has certain strengths and weaknesses. She again tested in the “mentally
retarded”* range on many conventional tests, but this person dug deeper and
discovered that underneath all the learning disabilities is a child who
may have started out in that orphanage bed ten years ago with average potential,
and better yet, much of it is still there. We just have to keep trying to find ways
to keep her on track. The doctor says that she thinks, (and she has
examined many severely neglected kids), that Daniela's prognosis is
good, that she'll be able to marry and have a career. I hope she'll be able to
parent children of her own.
She has impacted and inspired the lives of not only her family but people
in our community, country, and even in other countries. She has a charisma
and smile that can melt the stoniest heart. She makes us laugh every day,
sometimes under our breaths, as she is engaging in, one of her over the
top, antics.
You can't help but love her, even when you are furious at her.
She is so innocent and naive. She has no idea that she is such an
incredible little being. She has made me reach inside myself and find strength
that I never knew existed. She has changed me forever and made me a much
better person for having her in my life.
I'm sorry this is so long. I don't write often, but I just had to
commemorate this birthday in a special way, and I couldn't think of a
better way that sharing this statement with all of you who know what I mean
(more than anyone else) when I say this - "Would we adopt Daniela Again?" I
can say most assuredly, yes, absolutely, in a heartbeat.
Wishing you the best of futures with your own inspiring children,
Christina Goldstone
2010 - (UPDATE : For a number of years now - Daniela no longer picks at her skin, she no longer is destructive, no one is ever afraid of her, or is cruel to her. She is a joy to be with every day - considerate, hard-working, helpful. Her future knows no bounds.....
Daniela in 2001 on her first trip back to Romania- see captions below photos -
First photo - Here she is visiting her orphanage in Focsani, where she brought donations she collected with her Girl Scout troop. She was so excited to see where she had come from. At the time, sadly, we didn't know she had a birth brother who had lived in that same orphanage until just before we visited - Daniela will write more about him soon. Second Photo - Her visit was big news in Focsani, it made the headlines of the local newspaper with a centerfold spread of photos! 3rd photo - in Bucharest , having lunch with our dear friend Victor Groza, an internationally renowned researcher and expert on adoption and child welfare, who travels the world on behalf of children.
Ten years ago I had a book published about Daniela's first seven years with us. Following it's publication, I had the opportunity to write for some magazines that focused on adoption and special education. The book gave our family many interesting opportunities and experiences and led us to some wonderful friendships. It also also gave me the opportunity to speak publicly and advocate for international adoption and the effects of institutionalization on children. I haven't done much writing and speaking in recent years, but I thought readers of the blog might like to see who Daniela was ten years ago and just how far she has come (especially with all the recent negative focus in the press about international adoption and the adoption of children who have emotional disabilities). This article was publshed in Adoption Today magazine and was written the night before Daniela's tenth birthday. Enjoy......... Tina Goldstone
*One note - please notice the use of the phrase "Mentally retarded" This was the standard legal phrase in Virginia in 1999. Thankfully, the terminology is different now.
The following essay was inspired by my daughter Daniela’s most recent and most thorough evaluation. Daniela was adopted in 1991 from an orphanage in Focsani, Romania. She has a number of learning disabilities and behavior issues. One of the questions the psychologist asked my husband and me, at the completion of the testing, is a familiar one. I have been asked this question on numerous occasions, especially in the past year, since the publication of my book (Come to the Window) about our life with Daniela.
I wrote this essay and sent it to the other members of the post-adoption mailing list run by the web-site EEAC (Eastern European Adoption Coalition at eeadopt@org). I have enjoyed immensely the support and stories of the other families who subscribe to this list and to the Romanian adoption list. I have made several on-line friends whose children seem to struggle with the identical issues as Daniela. We all have great days and horrible days and it is wonderful to be able to share them with families who understand what you are going through in a way that no one else can. Being informed and having the support of other devoted parents can make life’s journey so much smoother. I hope you enjoy my tribute to Daniela born December 18, 1989 and now one of my two much-loved daughters.
"Would We Do It Again?"
Since we adopted our daughter Daniela almost nine years ago, from an orphanage
in Romania, we have been asked this question many times - "If we had known
all the challenges Daniela was going to have, would we still have made the
decision to adopt her?" My answer has always been automatic. I say,
"Absolutely, in a heartbeat". But, in truth, I don't think I ever stopped
to really consider the question. Perhaps I was afraid to. Tonight, on the eve
of Daniela's tenth birthday, I decided to answer the question truthfully.
Daniela has sometimes made life incredibly difficult for her dad, her big
sister Marcy, and myself. Sometimes, when things get really hard I worry
about what her life and our future is going to entail.
Here are some of the heartbreaking issues that Daniela's life is full of.
She has volumes of reports from countless different evaluations that were
done over the years to help her get the extra services that she needs - the
most painful one was the one recommending her to be placed in a class for
"educable mentally retarded"* children
She has scars all over her arms from picking at her skin in times of
stress.
She has, in her wake, left our house and it's belongings much in need of
repairs.
She is on three different medications, one of them scary. (note 2010: she was only on the scary med for 1 month)
We have received more than anyone's share of calls and notes from schools
and daycare detailing Daniela's many offenses. They started when she was
three years old. No one wants other children to be afraid of their child. Sometimes,
Daniela has, impulsively, hurt and frightened other children, though never in anger.
We, including Daniela, have heard countless cruel remarks about her,
from other children and from adults who should know better - either directly, or
when they think we don't hear.
Her immaturity is starting to mark her more now as she gets older. She is
more obviously different than other children her age. It breaks my heart
sometimes to see the disparity.
It's so hard to try and teach her some small thing day after day, month
after month, and even year after year and still know that she has no
understanding of what you are talking about.
So, if we knew all these things, would we still have adopted her? Well, if we knew
these things then I also assume we would know the positive things
about Daniela, such as -
Every new experience is a wonder and a delight to her. She revels in life
as no one I have ever seen.
She is so genuinely appreciative of any kind word, gift, or gesture. She
can make the giver feel like they have done something for her that no one
else could have.
She is always full of words of encouragement to anyone who has succeeded
at something or who just looks like they could use a kind word or a hug.
She is the epitome of unconditional love.
Each hard-earned lesson learned is such a triumph to her and to those of us
who are her teachers. Her recent triumphs in reading and spelling are worth
the world to all of us.
She is beautiful, and funny, and as fast as the wind.
Her most recent and very thorough evaluation by an experienced
psychologist yielded new information about who Daniela is and why she
has certain strengths and weaknesses. She again tested in the “mentally
retarded”* range on many conventional tests, but this person dug deeper and
discovered that underneath all the learning disabilities is a child who
may have started out in that orphanage bed ten years ago with average potential,
and better yet, much of it is still there. We just have to keep trying to find ways
to keep her on track. The doctor says that she thinks, (and she has
examined many severely neglected kids), that Daniela's prognosis is
good, that she'll be able to marry and have a career. I hope she'll be able to
parent children of her own.
She has impacted and inspired the lives of not only her family but people
in our community, country, and even in other countries. She has a charisma
and smile that can melt the stoniest heart. She makes us laugh every day,
sometimes under our breaths, as she is engaging in, one of her over the
top, antics.
You can't help but love her, even when you are furious at her.
She is so innocent and naive. She has no idea that she is such an
incredible little being. She has made me reach inside myself and find strength
that I never knew existed. She has changed me forever and made me a much
better person for having her in my life.
I'm sorry this is so long. I don't write often, but I just had to
commemorate this birthday in a special way, and I couldn't think of a
better way that sharing this statement with all of you who know what I mean
(more than anyone else) when I say this - "Would we adopt Daniela Again?" I
can say most assuredly, yes, absolutely, in a heartbeat.
Wishing you the best of futures with your own inspiring children,
Christina Goldstone
2010 - (UPDATE : For a number of years now - Daniela no longer picks at her skin, she no longer is destructive, no one is ever afraid of her, or is cruel to her. She is a joy to be with every day - considerate, hard-working, helpful. Her future knows no bounds.....
Daniela in 2001 on her first trip back to Romania- see captions below photos -
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Working at the Wellness Center
These are the kind of work skills I might use at lots of different jobs.
In my next blogs I'm going to write about the two different volunteer jobs. I have great pictures to show you!!!
Love, Daniela
Friday, April 9, 2010
Thank you to those who wrote comments! I love getting comments on my blog!
Love, Daniela
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
WELCOME!!
Hi this is Daniela! Welcome to my blog. Let me tell you a little about myself. I’m 20 years old and I live in Virginia. I was born in Romania and was adopted when I was 15 months old. I live with my mom and dad and I have an older sister who is an art teacher.
When I was born I lived in an orphanage. Because I didn’t get any attention, I have some disabilities. I’m writing this blog because I want to show people what I’m doing to help myself become more independent. I have a new camera so I can take pictures to show the things I’m doing. My mom will be writing too.
I hope you enjoy my blog!!
love, Daniela
When I was born I lived in an orphanage. Because I didn’t get any attention, I have some disabilities. I’m writing this blog because I want to show people what I’m doing to help myself become more independent. I have a new camera so I can take pictures to show the things I’m doing. My mom will be writing too.
I hope you enjoy my blog!!
love, Daniela
Daniela's new venture
Hi, I'm Tina Goldstone, Daniela's mom.
I am going to be writing with Daniela on this blog. Since one of Daniela's challenges is in the area of writing (she is a very fluent speaker and reader!), I will be filling in a little more information to her posts for now. I'm hoping as she gains confidence in her skills, I'll be able to add less and she will become the primary writer.
Daniela has come so far since her adoption in 1991. The first years were rough as she struggled to triumph over the challenges of her earlier life. The things in her favor, even back then, were her strong survivor skills and her love of life. Still, I would never have dreamed back then that she would be doing all the things she is doing today. If you can't already tell, we are very proud of her (and her older sister, whose web-site www.galomyoak.com is featured in our links).
We've been talking about Daniela doing a blog for some time. We recently were motivated to finally take the plunge. The director of a post-secondary program (which Daniela hopes to attend in the coming year) suggested that, while she is waiting for a spot to open in the program, Daniela should keep a record of all she is doing to help herself become more independent. The director also suggested adding photos to supplement that record. Daniela was enthusiastic about the idea and we both thought a blog would be a great way to tell the story of her journey to becoming independent. We are hoping that all of these efforts will give her a better chance of succeeding when she does enter the program.
Besides helping the director see Daniela's progress, we are hoping this journal might also help other students who are striving for the same goals, along with their families. It will, hopefully, also be useful to others who are interested in post-secondary education for individuals with intellectual or learning disabilities.
Please feel free to share this blog with others. Perhaps other families may also want to document their own journeys in this new frontier for students with disabilities. We will be glad to put a blog link on our blog. We have also added other web links which we have found very helpful. One site that's been essential has been Think College. It really opened our eyes to all the new possibilities for Daniela's future.
Daniela is REALLY looking forward to hearing other people's comments on the blog so be sure to drop a comment whenever you can.
Like Daniela, I hope you enjoy the blog!
All the best,
Tina
I am going to be writing with Daniela on this blog. Since one of Daniela's challenges is in the area of writing (she is a very fluent speaker and reader!), I will be filling in a little more information to her posts for now. I'm hoping as she gains confidence in her skills, I'll be able to add less and she will become the primary writer.
Daniela has come so far since her adoption in 1991. The first years were rough as she struggled to triumph over the challenges of her earlier life. The things in her favor, even back then, were her strong survivor skills and her love of life. Still, I would never have dreamed back then that she would be doing all the things she is doing today. If you can't already tell, we are very proud of her (and her older sister, whose web-site www.galomyoak.com is featured in our links).
We've been talking about Daniela doing a blog for some time. We recently were motivated to finally take the plunge. The director of a post-secondary program (which Daniela hopes to attend in the coming year) suggested that, while she is waiting for a spot to open in the program, Daniela should keep a record of all she is doing to help herself become more independent. The director also suggested adding photos to supplement that record. Daniela was enthusiastic about the idea and we both thought a blog would be a great way to tell the story of her journey to becoming independent. We are hoping that all of these efforts will give her a better chance of succeeding when she does enter the program.
Besides helping the director see Daniela's progress, we are hoping this journal might also help other students who are striving for the same goals, along with their families. It will, hopefully, also be useful to others who are interested in post-secondary education for individuals with intellectual or learning disabilities.
Please feel free to share this blog with others. Perhaps other families may also want to document their own journeys in this new frontier for students with disabilities. We will be glad to put a blog link on our blog. We have also added other web links which we have found very helpful. One site that's been essential has been Think College. It really opened our eyes to all the new possibilities for Daniela's future.
Daniela is REALLY looking forward to hearing other people's comments on the blog so be sure to drop a comment whenever you can.
Like Daniela, I hope you enjoy the blog!
All the best,
Tina
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